


Not What I Meant

by ahoneydewhue



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson (Broadway Cast) Actor RPF
Genre: AU where Connor fell into a coma, Alternate Universe - College/University, And when he woke up he called Evan out on his lies, College AU? kinda??, Connor Murphy LIVES, First Fanfiction, Gen, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm tired of seeing people write shit rivalries of Jared and Connor so I'm doing it myself, Jared Kleinman & Connor Murphy Tension, Jared Kleinman Is Bad at Feelings, Jared Kleinman POV, Jared Kleinman Tries, So no Connor Project, cursing, these are nice tags lmao, they're in college now
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 846
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ahoneydewhue/pseuds/ahoneydewhue
Summary: "...i saw some familiar names on the list of first years! guess who i found on the list!" alana practically bounced up and down. why is she so excited for this? it must be good."who?" i said as monotony as i could (even though i just wanted to know who the fuck can make her so enthusiastic)"evan and zoe! you know, from high school! aren't you like friends with him? aren't you excited?! you guys were friends for quite a while right?" and then her voice faded out, being blocked out with my thoughts.evan?that's.. horrible.i treated him terribly.hes going to hate me.he does hate me.i ruined his high school years and probably middle school too.basically ever since we met.oh god.."oh, and there he is with zoe! lets head over there!"oh fuck.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 5





	Not What I Meant

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote all of this shit starting at 4am and ending at 6am went to bed woke up stayed up till 3am thinking about all the plot behind this and now i'm editing this and writing the note❤️

fuck fuck fuck literally how do you forget to bring a calculator when you literally have class what the actual fuck i'm so stupid. and of course i know literally nobody so i can't like, borrow someone's calculator. wait a minute..

"hey, alana, so—"

"hi jared! guess what! i got wonderful news, so, since i've been keeping up with the instructors they have appointed me with passing documents to the office—!"

"you realize they only do that because they're lazy, right?"

"—AND.. i saw some familiar names on the list of first years! guess who i found on the list!" alana practically bounced up and down. why is she so excited for this? it must be good.

"who?" i said as monotony as i could (even though i just wanted to know who the fuck can make her so enthusiastic)

"evan and zoe! you know, from high school! aren't you like friends with him? aren't you excited?! you guys were friends for quite a while right?" and then her voice faded out, being blocked out with my thoughts.

evan?  
that's.. horrible.

i treated him terribly.  
hes going to hate me.  
he does hate me.  
i ruined his high school years and probably middle school too.  
basically ever since we met.  
i was terrible to him.

oh god..

"oh, and there he is with zoe! lets head over there!"

oh fuck.

"hey evan, hey zoe!" alana was walking toward them pulling me along. holy shit i gotta get out of this somehow.

"how are you guys, settling in well?"

"oh, hi alana, jared. isn't it nice to see all these familiar faces, evan?"

"waht? oh, i mean, yeah, yeah it's good to see uh all these familiar faces, it's good."

i froze up but at the same time i started shaking. that shit always happens to me. i try clutching myself to make it stop.

"so.. where are you headed? i got like maybe half an hour of free time so i can walk you there and we can catch up?" so zoe knows who she wants to talk to.

"oh! really? i mean, sure lets go," and off they went talking about what classes they had together by the sound of it.

okay all you need to do is act like how you normally do. but nicer. a lot nicer. don't be a dick like you were before with evan. be mindful of his anxiety and shit.

"uh, hi jared.. what are you..i mean,"

"do you have a calculator i could borrow? sorry but i like really need one?" that's what i needed originally until i turned into this shaking mess. i need to compose myself, i try gripping harder.

"i.. oh yeah. i have two calculators so um.." he started taking off his bag and opened it, i assume, looking for a calculator.

"why do you have t-two?"

ok, not the nicest thing i could have said but older me would have probably phrased it like "why would you ever need two calculators? i didn't know you were that much of a nerd." so like, improvement, right?

"oh! it's just, i have two— i have a older one and then i had to buy a new one because we needed this like really specific calculator, but you probably know that already so, um, i'll just.. stop."

"no, no it's fine. i had to buy a newer one too just because i-i, fuck—," why am i shaking so much? i hate it here, i hate talking to people, i hate evan, i hate myself..

"are.. are you shaking? do you—do you need help? i'm, uh.."

"no, no, it's, im fine." seriously what the fuck is up with me? i hate talking to evan, this sucks so much..

"i.. are you sure? i think you should.. do something about that, are you cold.?"

"no this just happens.. whenever i, um.. nevermind." what the actual fuck is wrong with me. i hate this i hate this so much i feel vulnerable i don't like this at all.

"can i get that calculator?" yup, thats what i need the most right now.

"i um, yeah i'll, i'll get that.." evan fumbled and quickly retrieved the damned calculator like it'll solve everything.

"yeah, thanks, i um.. gotta go—text me sometime!"

all right! smooth get away am i right?

just kidding that was terrible, i hate it here, i hate myself, i'm going to disappear into the 4th dimension, okay bye evan!

right so in the bathroom we go, last stall, just like the other times when you were talking to connor..

catch your breath.

relax, stupid.

clean your glasses. put them on.

fix your shirt.

oh, wow, look at how ugly you are. thats, thats great.

and now look at the nail marks you put in your skin. pretty neat, right?  
..  
..no, its not neat.

put the calculator away.

wash your hands even if you didn't do anything so that if someone in the bathroom heard you they don't think you're nasty..

and go to your class.

**Author's Note:**

> ya yEEt hahah what’s up fuckers?
> 
> my first fic (i'm a really bad writer don't expect much) but i got big plans for this.
> 
> instead of those fics you see of evan apologizing to jared and jared apologizing back, its just jared apologizing✨
> 
> i ship kleinsen (please don't click off) but i dont think im going to include ships in here. if i do maybe kleinsen or sincerely three.. all i know is that i'm going to build up zoe and alana's relationship and like.. they might become girlfriends idk 😳🤭
> 
> this is going to be in jared's point of view anyways so prepare for him being ✨g a y✨ luvs😌
> 
> so yeah thats that. but also i know no one reads these notes..


End file.
